Insights from RN Care Manager and Author Joan Foust
Caregiving often begins with love — and quickly becomes layered with emotion, responsibility and shifting roles. For many adult children, supporting an aging parent can feel unfamiliar and overwhelming, especially when memory loss or resistance to care enters the picture.
In a recent video conversation, Joan Foust, RN Care Manager and author of Creative Caregiving Solutions: A Peaceful Approach to Navigating Your Relationship with Your Aging Loved One, shares wisdom drawn from more than two decades of working closely with families.
Her message is simple, yet powerful: peace is possible — even in difficult seasons of caregiving.
From Nurse to Advocate for Families
Joan always knew she wanted to be a nurse. As the middle child of eight siblings, she naturally became a peacemaker — a role that would later shape her caregiving philosophy.
After decades working in hospitals, long-term care and home settings — and eventually leading her own care management practice — she saw firsthand how difficult it can be for families to navigate resistance, role changes and emotional strain.
Her book was written to share what she learned.
If There’s One Principle to Remember: Respect
When asked what single takeaway she hopes readers remember, Joan doesn’t hesitate.
Respect.
True respect means looking at the whole person — not just their diagnosis, not just the task that needs to be done — and trying to understand what the situation feels like from their perspective.
Aging can bring loss: loss of independence, memory, mobility and routine. When caregivers slow down and consider what those changes feel like emotionally, their approach naturally shifts from frustration to compassion.
Supporting Someone with Memory Loss: Slow Down
Memory loss presents unique challenges. Joan emphasizes that how you approach someone is just as important as what you’re trying to accomplish.
Her guidance includes:
- Avoid rushing.
- Never approach from behind, which can startle or frighten someone.
- Use fewer words and more calm, reassuring presence.
- Maintain gentle eye contact.
- If agitation rises, step back rather than push forward.
Take One Minute Before You Walk In
One of Joan’s most practical and powerful strategies is also one of the simplest. Before entering a room — whether at home or in a care setting — pause for one minute. Take a breath. Intentionally set aside your own worries, frustrations or stress from the day and prepare to focus on the person you are about to care for. The reminder is clear: your energy enters the room before your words do.
Replace “Why” with “What”
When adult children become caregivers, communication can unintentionally become strained. Joan recommends limiting the word “why.” For example, instead of: “Why didn’t you sleep?” try: “What do you think made it hard to sleep?” The word “why” can feel like blame. “What” invites reflection without judgment. It opens conversation instead of closing it.
Being nonjudgmental, with both your loved one and yourself, is essential. As Joan notes, we don’t always fully understand what someone else is experiencing internally.
At Sagepoint, we believe compassionate, innovative care begins with dignity and understanding. Joan’s approach reflects what we strive to practice every day — honoring the whole person and supporting families with guidance and respect.
You can watch the full video conversation with Joan Foust here.
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